On the weekends we went to see my sister Anahera and Zayne.
Firstly,We packed our stuff first,I was so excited to go and see my sister
Because we hadn't seen heir for ages.So when we had finished packing
Our stuff we just locked up the house and took off.
Secondly, we took off onto the road, when we got onto the road I felt
excited as we were leaving the house.I felt very excited to see my older
Sister.When we were going to get breakfast.I just felt like I was going to
faint.But as we were going in the shop we walked in and got a pie for lunch.
We got a pie and chips and a drink for breakfast.
Thirdly,we come out of the shop and took of.It was fun going to see my sister.
And a hour later we were in watford.As we where getting through the town we
Stopped for lunch at mcdonald's. It was fun having mcdonald's.We had a family
Box for lunch.I had a burger and chirps and a drink.Everybody had the same.
Fourthly,when we were leaving I jumped back in the car and took of to dargavel.
I was fun when we were going to dargavel to see my older sister and heir boyfriend.
I had a dream when we left because it felt like we were already in daredevil.So a couple of hours later we were in dargavel.I woke up and said “I'm awake” “I'm awake” “I'm awake”.
In summary, I had a good sleep when we got there I just felt like we had the best day ever.We got there at night time.We stayed there.Because mum and dad as tied when we got there.
I felt very good when I had finished a sleep. After that we took out the stuff of our car.
Aloha,Sheyahni
ReplyDeleteWow! What a amazing piece of writing. I love how you used sequence words, like firstly and lastly. You have done a great job at placing your commas in the correct places. In class for my reading and writing group we have been learning about commas and how they are used for affect and pauses.
Next time to make it even better you could edit it a bit more to fix the little mistakes. What was your favourite part of trip?
Amazing job Sheyahni.
From Samantha
Kia ora Sheyahni
ReplyDeleteI'm Raphaela from St Patrick's school Greymouth!
I think your you have worked hard on this but you might need to revise and edit. If I were you I would try not to say thirdly fourthly.... Maybe next time you could add a Walt. It sounds like you had a great time!
Blog ya later
From Raphaela